


Paying Penance

by svcietys



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Broken Bones, Canon Compliant, F/M, Flashbacks, Hospitals, Medical, Mentions of Cancer, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:33:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29244360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svcietys/pseuds/svcietys
Summary: Canon compliant up until s3e2. This is basically how I think Josie's plot should go this season.Josie feels lost, alone, broken. Even with friends and family around her doing their best to help, she can't seem to get past everything that her darker self put the Salvatore School through. She no longer trusts herself with magic, and to keep everyone around her safe she is ready to give up her magic for a long time, maybe forever. But this means she can't help with the constant string of malivore monsters,  so she finds another way to give back, to pay penance for the disaster she caused. When she starts helping out at the Mystic Falls hospital, she runs into a the boy that ranks fairly high on her list of regrets. When Ethan runs into her in the hall on his way to one of his numerous physical therapy sessions, Josie couldn't feel worse. Knowing she was the cause of the state that his arm is currently in sent her spiraling with guilt, and she was going to try her best to make it up to him, to everyone.Rated Mature for mentions of anxiety, PTSD and trauma, mentions of cancer and other illnesses. Also SLIGHT mentions of suicidal thoughts, its very small and not direct, but just thought that I should mention it.
Relationships: Ethan Machado/Josie Saltzman, Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman, Milton "MG" Greasley & Lizzie Saltzman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Paying Penance

Ashes floated down from the sky, the only thing illuminating the area were the dying embers of what was left of the Salvatore School. She could feel the heat that still lingered from the flames and she could smell the crisp scent of the burning wood and brick all around her. She took a step toward the rubble, fanning through the smoke with her arms. Each step she took she could see more destruction. Pages of books lay scattered across the ground, shriveled and burned. The sound of broken glass under her feet filled her ears every time she took a step, but she couldn’t pull her eyes away from the chaos that lay before her. 

Realization hit her suddenly, she did this. Her magic took control, and this was the outcome. She had destroyed everything. She called out for her friends one by one, praying to anyone who listened that they were safe somewhere. “Lizzie. Hope. MG. Landon. Raf. Kaleb. Jed.” She called every name she could think of out into the void of rubble, desperately searching for any sign of life. She felt the tears sliding down her face and hitting her shirt, but she couldn’t stop. She did this.

“I did this.” She said out loud. To herself, accepting the blame. The cracking of glass under foot sounded behind her. She whirled around, hoping that it was one of her friends. But there in front of her, stood herself. Except this Josie was different, this was the Josie that had done this. Standing in front of her was the living and breathing embodiment of her worst parts. Her darkest self, the self she fought her whole life to keep buried. Dark Josie stood before her, a smirk on her lips and her head tilted to the side, her eyes roaming over Josie, sizing her up. “You did this.” Josie breathed, anger welling up inside of her. “You destroyed everything.” Fire filled her veins as she stepped forward into her darker self’s space. 

“Don’t you see?” Dark Josie spoke, her voice smooth, teasing. “I am you.” Her mouth curved up into a smile, blackness swallowing her eyes. Tendrils of dark magic licked her face, traveling down her neck and into her hands. Josie watched the dark magic tracing her darker self’s features. In an instant Dark Josie’s hands reached up and grabbed on to her own, the dark magic traveling from her hands into Josie’s. Josie pulled her hands free, swatting at the tendrils that encircled her hands, moving up her fore arms and onto her chest. “Stop! Stop, please!” Josie cried, desperately trying to shake the magic off of herself. Every time the dark magic moved up her body she screamed in pain. It was too much magic, it was destroying her, striking at her nerves and mind looking for a way in. 

She could hear Dark Josie’s laugh over the ringing in her ears. “Just let it in. It won’t hurt anymore. None of it will.” She purred, moving closer to Josie. She reached her hand out, placing a finger on Josie’s cheek, sending another wave of dark magic spiraling through her face. She could feel it attacking her mind, whispering that it could make the hurt stop, if she just let it in. “No! I can’t, I can’t!” She cried, dropping to her knees, cradling her burning hands to her chest. She fought against the darkness pushing itself into her mind. 

Josie gathered up her remaining strength, she shoved her hands onto the ground, broken glass cutting into her palms, ashes shooting all around her from the force of her hands landing in the dirt where her school and home previously stood. She let out a scream, her whole body shaking from the strength it took to fight back the darkness. She wasn’t sure how long she could fight it, how long she could hold it back. And that’s when she heard it. 

“Miss?” A soft voice coming out of the shadows. She looked up, the pulling at her mind stopped, everything stopped. She glanced at her darker self, a defeated look on her face. She didn’t know why, but Josie scrambled to her feet and took off down the path toward where the voice came from. Running until the flames no longer lit up her path. “Miss!” She heard it again, she lunged for that voice, falling into the darkness until…

“Miss! I think this is your stop.” Josie sprung up from where her head laid against the window. An elderly man was standing over her, his eyebrows furrowed down in question, concern. She flung her head around, looking through the window, and there on the other side were the gates to her school. It was a dream. It was all a dream. She hadn’t burned down her school, it was safe, her friends were safe. She turned back to the man standing above her, a small frown now found its way to his lips. 

“Oh, yes. Thank you for waking me.” Gratitude seeped out of her voice, still rough from sleep, or maybe from screaming. She gathered her things and hopped off the bus, thanking the man once more with a wave and a smile before starting down the path to the gates. When she reached them, she took a few deep breaths. She hadn’t been back since she decided to go spend some time with Mom. It had been nice, seeing her, talking to her, being held while she cried after waking up night after night from a new nightmare. The nightmares had all been different, most of them events she had to witness while being trapped inside of her own mind. The things she did…

She shook her head quickly, steadying her breathing and forcing the thoughts from her mind. She brought her hand up to clasp around the necklace her mom had given her while she visited. A small yellow pendant wrapped in silver lining hung from the chain around her neck. Inside of the rounded crystal swirled various shades of yellow and orange and it glittered in the moonlight. It was quite beautiful. Mom had said that if she held on to the pendent when she felt herself getting worked into a dark place, that it would “expel negative energy.” Needless to say this is not the first time Josie has had to cling to the small crystal. It had been two weeks since she step foot in the Salvatore School. She hadn’t seen or talked to any of her friends since she left, wanting to completely get away. She had kept in touch with Lizzie, mostly just listening to her as she talked about what went on at school that day or what monster had come out of the pit that week. She had to admit that she missed everyone, Hope, Mg… She was ready to see them all again.

And with that thought, she walked through the gates. 

———

“Okay so tell me everything! Where did you and Mom go, did you meet any cute boys?” Lizzie was bombarding Josie with questions the moments she stepped into their shared room.

“I wasn’t really there to vacation, Lizzie.” Josie mumbled, unpacking her clothes and setting them into her dresser drawers. Sure, Josie did go to Italy with her mom for two weeks, but she didn’t really leave the house. She worked on breathing techniques, she cleaned a lot, she did homework that Dad had sent so she wouldn’t fall behind. But she hadn’t really felt like leaving the safety of her home the entirety of her stay. Every time she thought about it, she tensed up, opting for some other menial task that didn’t require her to actually be around people. 

“I know, I know. But things have been so boring around here lately. Its been so dull that the muppet has the time to plan a musical.” Lizzie rolled her eyes, laying back on her bed with her hands behind her head, watching Josie unpack. “And its not even about anything fun, he’s basing it on the story of the school. Like, okay we get it, two brothers, one girl, story of the century.” Another eye roll had Josie chuckling softly. “The only reason I’m even involved in it is because he promised I would get to play Mom. I’m kinda perfect for that part.”

Josie had just finished putting her things away when she heard a knock on their door. She glanced at where Lizzie was laying on her bed. Lizzie sat up, cautious, “Okay so… don’t be mad…” she continued at Josie’s questioning look, “I know you wanted to lay low… but they just wanted to do something nice to welcome you back.” Lizzie got up from her position on the bed then and walked over to the door. With one last look at Josie, she opened the door. MG and Kaleb burst through first, holding a small cake that said “WELCOME HOME JO” on it. Their smiles were so bright and welcoming that she couldn’t help the one that snuck up to her own lips. They rushed forward and pushed her between them, smushing her into a group hug. She laughed when Kaleb brought his hand up to ruffle at the hair on the top of her head and MG smacked a kiss onto her temple. They let her go as Raf, Jed, and Landon came through the door, holding drinks and a keg, holding them up with victorious looks on their faces. 

“Time to party, Jo!” Raf said as he picked her up in his arms, spinning her around once so the other two could give her a hug and each dispense a small, “Welcome back.” 

The last through the door was Hope, smiling softly and lingering by the doorway. Josie turned to her, comfort filling her immediately. “Hey, Jo. Welcome back, we missed you.” Hope said softly, still lingering, not wanting to invade Josie’s space if she didn’t want her to. Ridiculous. Josie opened her arms and took a step towards where Hope was still waiting. A grand smile broke out on Hope’s face as she finally took one big step to scoop Josie into her arms. Josie couldn’t pin point why exactly, but she felt an intense feeling of safety hugging Hope. The feeling lingered in the back of her mind, her subconscious remembering the relief she felt seeing Hope in her mind after being trapped for so long alone. She had come to save her, she knew she would, that was Hope Mikaelson’s forte, she saved people. Her hero. Her best friend. 

A glance toward Lizzie let her know that the hug lasted for a bit longer than a normal hug should. At Lizzie’s look she let her arms fall back to her side as Hope stepped back, coming face to face with her. Hope gave her an encouraging nod and one last smile before stepping back. 

“So, we may have put together a little welcome home party for you.” MG said, smile still bright. He stepped towards her, “Hold on, Jo.” He snickered as he held onto her and they were gone. Vamp speeding down the hall and past the school doors. Everything a blur as Josie held on tight to MG. She hadn’t done this with MG in a while, they used to hang out so often that he would speed her everywhere they went, but with everything going on with her and at school this past year they hadn’t had the time to hang out like they used to. She made a mental note to make time for her friendship with MG as they halted to a stop in front of the old mill. There was a campfire and decorations everywhere, classmates with drinks in hand, running around and showing off spells all around. At their arrival a few people turned, some coming up to Josie and giving polite nods and asking how her time away was. Most of the students at the party didn’t even look her way, most likely not even realizing the party was for her. She knew a majority of the class would still be angry with her. They had a right to be, she knew that, but that doesn’t mean it hurt any less. She shoved the thought away before it could get out of control, reaching up to her necklace and rubbing circles on the front of it, feeling a bit better. 

By the time the kids who did come over to her were done dispensing their pleasantries, either out of pity or threats from Lizzie beforehand, her friends walked up behind her, arriving to the party without the help of MG’s vamp speed. Lizzie grabbed Josie’s hand, pulling her toward the drinks and the fire, making her a drink and placing it in her hand before once again bombarding her with questions about her time in Italy. The boys ran off to go set up the keg, Raf being the first to push into a handstand start drinking. Josie smiled, seeing her friends just the same as she left them. She did miss them, and to her it had felt like a lot longer than just the two weeks she was away. She had lost control of herself shortly after the trip to the prison world. Flashes of her breaking the time clock on the ground of the bar swept through to the forefront of her mind. The desperation she felt in those moments, knowing there was no other way to get her and her family to safety, it overtook any other thought in her brain. She had to accept the dark magic that flowed past the broken bits of glass, hitting her forcefully and flinging her across the room. Even now as her magic was tucked away safe, away from her, she could feel those dark tendrils sliding over her face, her hands, anywhere they could reach. The phantom feeling of black magic sweeping across her skin sent shivers down her spine, her hands shaking, breathing picking up. She looked around at the party in front of her, her classmates smiling and laughing, enjoying the drinks and company, but all she could see were red ropes surrounding a boxing ring. Her darker self standing in the middle, threatening the lives of the people she went to school with everyday. She could see her fellow witches hands shaking with the need to use magic as protection, the vamps shaking at the prospect of flinging themselves in the ring to protect their friends, and the wolves eyes, those amber colored flecks rising up in their eyes, preparing for a fight. She had forced them all to sit and watch as she fought Hope, and then Lizzie, her black magic flying at those who opposed her. 

She tried shaking the thoughts from her brain, grabbing at her necklace like a lifeline, nothing worked. She was trembling now, the guilt and shame spreading through her chest, making her dizzy. Without a word to Lizzie, Josie turned on her heel, heading for the inside of the mill. She climbed up the stairs finding a corner at the top that no one had been in. She sat with her back facing it, cradling her knees to her chest and squeezing the pendant her mom gave her like it was an anchor to Caroline itself. At this moment she really wished she was back in Italy, safe and inside, away from the outside world. She focused her mind on those times with her mom, forcing her breathing and steadying her shaking hands. After what felt like an hour of Josie working through her panic, she straightened her legs out on the floor, wiping the dried up tears from her face. She really hoped no one had walked past and seen her, she wouldn’t have noticed if they did.

A small creak from the top of the stairs forced her eyes up. Hope stood at the top, looking down at Josie with a clear look of concern in her eyes. In two steps she was kneeling in front of Josie, her hand going to her knees, “Hey, are you alright? I noticed you had left. What are you doing up here?” Her soft voice helped steady Josie’s breathing out completely. Josie blinked at her, then brushed off the dust from her legs, sitting up straighter. 

“Oh, yeah I just needed a breather. I’m fine.” She smiled, a fake smile, but it was the best she could do right then. She didn’t need anyone else worrying about her, she had been a burden enough on everyone already for too long. 

“Are you?” Hope whispered, her eyes searching Josie’s, the intensity of the look piercing through Josie’s thinly veiled mask. 

Josie couldn’t even say anything. She just forced her eyes away from Hope’s, casting her glance toward the ground. She wasn’t okay, she had known that for a while. Long before she accepted the dark magic that caused so much destruction. The feeling she was experiencing right now wasn’t new, she just used to be able to hide it better. Hope settled next to her on the ground, content to just sit with her while Josie got her thoughts together.

“I messed up, Hope. What I did- how do I even begin to make up for that? What I put everyone through?” Josie breathed, not wanting to get the attention of anyone around them. 

“Josie, it wasn’t you. I know that, I saw it… her.” 

“But it was me. I may not have been able to control everything but it was still me.” They sat in silence for a moment. “I never really got to thank you… for not giving up on me.” Josie looked at Hope then, hoping she saw the sincerity in her eyes, even though she thought that Hope should’ve just let her go. Maybe then they wouldn’t have to worry about Josie anymore, she’d just be gone. 

“It was a group effort.” Hope smiled.

“Yeah, well still. Thank you. You didn’t have to do that, you put yourself at risk. I don’t want you to have to do that for me. I’m a big enough burden as it is.” Josie let out a small laugh.

Hope grabbed her hand the second the words left her mouth. “Hey. Don’t say that Jo, you aren’t a burden. You were worth that risk.” Hope’s eyes were furrowed, looking at Josie intently, making sure she let her words sink in. They didn’t. She couldn’t accept that, she didn’t deserve to, not after what she did. She broke someone’s arm, she killed Alyssa, she tried to kill Hope, then Lizzie. She wasn’t worth the risk of Hope’s mind being trapped in her subconscious, let alone her life.

Josie shrugged, “Thanks” she said, once again casting her eyes to the ground. Once again riddled with guilt, the stood up abruptly, “I think I’m gonna head out. Tell everyone thank you for the party but I’m just a little tired from the trip home so I’m gonna head back.” Before Hope could respond Josie turned on her heel and rushed down the stairs, not able to look her in the eye any longer.

A faint, “But, Jo-“ was the last thing she heard before she sped off back toward the school.

———

A knock at her door threw Josie from her thoughts. She looked up to see her Dad stride in through the open doorway.

“Not at the party?” He said, coming to sit on the bed across from Josie. She reached out and gave him a hug, grateful he wasn’t one of her friends coming to ask why she left.

“I wasn’t really feeling it.” She shrugged, laying back down, looking at him with a forced and faint smile. He studied her for a minute before then breaking into questions about her stay with Mom and if it helped like he thought it would. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that she may have been just the same as when she left. 

When he was done with the string of questions, “Hey, Dad?” 

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been thinking. I want to… I don’t know, pay penance? I just did so much bad, I just wanna be able to do some good, magic-free, you know?” 

“Well I like that idea. What did you have in mind?” 

“Well… that’s kind of why I’m asking you. I don’t know where to start.” She had a lot to make up for.

Alaric sat in thought for a few moments. “Well, if it’s magic-free help that you want to give, I know your mom used to volunteer at the Mystic Falls hospital when she was Miss Mystic Falls. I’m sure they could always use some help.” Josie thought on that for a moment. She could do that, after school she could go straight there. It’s the least she could do, but it’s a start. Alaric saw the thought on her face.

“Great, I can call them tomorrow during your classes and let them know you are going to start helping out.” He grabbed her hand softly, giving her a kiss on her forehead and then tasing his exit. 

She could do that. It was the least she could do. 

———

When she first walked through the doors of the hospital, she wasn’t sure exactly where to go. Dad had called and let them know she was going to start helping out, and she was told to ask for someone named Morgan. Josie walked to the first desk she saw, sat behind it was a middle aged woman, with long blonde hair and green eyes. She was pretty, Josie thought to herself. She also looked like she was in the middle of something, and Josie really didn’t want to interrupt her but she also didn’t want to stand here awkwardly until someone noticed her. She fiddled with the bottom of her shirt before stepping up to the desk.

“Excuse me, uhm, I’m supposed to be helping out, I was told to ask for a Morgan?” The woman behind the desk finally looked up, when her eyes landed on Josie they brightened and a smile spread up her face. 

“Oh my gosh, yes! Hi, I’m Morgan, and you must Josie?” Her voice was smooth and had a low pitch to it that made it sound a lot louder than she was probably trying to. 

“Yes, that’s me. My dad said he talked to you?”

“Yup, Mr. Saltzman was my history teacher at Mystic Falls High for a few classes. Kept me from failing history.” When she stood up and offered Josie her hand for a shake, Josie let her eyes scan the woman. Her badge said she was an ER nurse. There were stickers all over it, littering her badge and lanyard that it was hanging on. Rainbows and cartoon characters covered every inch of the badge that didn’t have important information on it. Josie spotted one “Love Wins” sticker among the others, she smiled at that. “I was never any good at all that history stuff, guess that’s why I went toward the sciences after graduating.” She laughed and Josie thought it was one of the sweeter laughs she’s ever heard. 

“Anyways so I’m gonna set you up with a volunteer badge and then introduce you to some of the staff, let you know exactly what you’ll be doing here and all that. Are you by chance any good with kids?”

“Uh- yeah. They tend to like me I guess.” Josie chuckled nervously.

“Great, because they need a lot of extra help up there with the kiddos.” They walked up a few flights of stairs, Morgan smiling and asking how everyones day is all the way there. It was apparent that she was liked in this hospital, Josie could see why. She spoke to everyone with such kindness and enthusiasm that it brightened everyones faces the moment she walked past. She reminded Josie of a cartoon fairy, quickly flitting from one person to the next, genuinely wanting to know how their day was, if there was anything she could do to help. Josie knew already she was going to sendup liking Morgan a lot.

“Okay so here we are! This is the children’s wing, a land of magic and smiles. All of the children in this wing have been admitted for things ranging from cancer to amputation recovery. What you’ll be doing is just checking in on them, talking to them, reading to them. Basically just be there for them while they are here.” They were standing in front of the library/playroom and Josie spotted a few kids in the middle of the area, some had casts on their limbs, a few had tubes running from their arms and noses. Yet it was as if they barely noticed they were sick at all, they had bright smiles as they laughed and played together. That’s true strength, Josie thought, not magic or speed or anything supernatural, its the strength of someone who want sure that they’ll make it another day but they live that day happily anyways. 

Once Morgan introduced her to the staff on the floor and got her set up with badge and a key card with access to the supply closets, they set off down the hall to start meeting some of the kids. The first door they came to was decorated with flowers and pink and purple ribbons. The name Jordan was written on the white board in the middle of the door, along with some information about medicine and schedules. The door was covered with drawings of puppies and stick figure families, drawn by someone who Josie would have put at about age seven. They stepped inside, and the walls were covered with the same drawings and flowers as the door, a small girl sat in the bed, a middle aged man sitting beside her, watching her with the sweetest look of adoration on his face. When the little girl saw Morgan she threw the crayons off of her and reached her hands up for a hug. Morgan rushed over to her hugging her tightly careful of the tubes that were placed under the girl’s nose. “Hi miss Jordan how are you today?” Morgan asked her, kneeling next to the bed and getting on her eye level. This question sparked a long string of Jordan happily telling Morgan what her and her Dads did today, starting with getting lunch in the cafeteria to getting new art supplies for her pictures. Morgan engaged her with such enthusiasm that it looked like her cheeks might fall straight off from smiling so wide. The man sat next to Jordan got up and made his way over to Josie, holding out his hand and shaking it softy. 

“Hi, I’m Jordan’s father, Jim. My husband went out to get her some ice cream, he should be back soon. You look a bit young to be a nurse.” He had a friendly smile on his face and he spoke with a deep voice that Josie registered with a bit of wonder. She had never heard a voice that low and gravely. He had piercing blue eyes and dark hair that was peppered with gray. Most likely from stress considering he wasn’t very old. 

“Oh, yeah I’m just volunteering right now actually. Today is my first day.” 

“That’s very decent of you.” He smiled, reminding her a bit of her dad. 

“Oh, it’s the least I could do.” Josie said, almost to herself.

Morgan’s voice interrupted their conversation, “Miss Josie, Jordan here is feeling a bit chilly. Could you go to the supply closet down the hall and get her a blanket? Out the door, turn right and it’s the first door on the left.” Josie agreed happily, saying she’d be back as quick as possible.

She left the room quickly, following the way Morgan had told her. She turned quick down the first hallway on the right and slammed straight into someone’s chest, hands going up to her arms to brace themself. She looked up to green eyes apologizing quickly and profusely, and then she realized who she ran into. 

“Hey, you’re the girl from the game.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically a theory that I thought up about Josie's season three plot. Despite my love for hosie, Ethan would treat Josie amazing and thats exactly what she needs this season. There ARE hosie mentions because I just couldn't help myself. In this fic: Rafael doesn't get sent to the prison world, Josie and MG are gonna be besties again, and Josie's trauma is actually discussed instead of ignored. So enjoy<3
> 
> If there are any trigger warnings that I didn't include in the tags please feel free to let me know!!


End file.
